Close Combat is Scary
by icelandicc
Summary: "So are you really going to fight with just a sword?" The Warrior of Light blinked, but quickly composed himself. "This sword is all I need." [pointless humor fic]


"So, you're really going to fight with just a sword?" Laguna scratched the back of his head grinning, balancing his prized machine gun on his shoulder with his free hand. The shining green streams of light flew around from every angle, and the floating chunks of land made the eerie silence surrounding the place all the more ominous. Planet's Core really was a creepy stage…

The Warrior of Light blinked, but quickly composed himself.

"This sword is all I need." He stated firmly. Laguna let his shoulders slump.

"Where's the fun in that? Variety is the spice of life, as they say. Plus, close combat is scary." Laguna let the grin make its way back onto his face. Warrior almost scoffed. Was this man mocking him? …no. Warrior realized that he was being completely serious. These people had such weird ways of working…

"What… do you mean? "Close combat is scary"?" Warrior stole a glance at the man's gun, before lowering his eyes to his own, traditional blade. He looked confused.

Laguna raised an eyebrow. _Does his guy live under a rock? He doesn't sound very experienced at interacting with other people._ Well, at least other _normal_ people. Laguna was convinced Garland didn't count.

"Well, I mean what I said. Ranged combat is easier for me, but that's just my opinion. I'm more comfortable with firearms then I'd ever be with a blade. I'd rather not get up close and personal with my opponents, and just shoot them down from afar." Warrior was still staring at his sword in confusion.

"Maybe you should learn." Warrior said suddenly. Laguna blinked in surprise.

"Huh? What are you- hey!" Warrior pulled Laguna along by his arm off to who-knows-where while Laguna spluttered questions and realized that he'd severely underestimated this guy's strength.

* * *

"Light?" Firion stared somewhat wide-eyed at the Warrior of Light, who was dragging an unfamiliar brunet behind him. "Um, who is this?"

"Gunner." Warrior answered simply.

Firion just blinked.

"Okay. But WHY is he here? It certainly doesn't look like he came of his own consent… wait, he isn't a warrior of Chaos is he?!" Firion drew his rapier in a quick swipe. Warrior shook his head.

"No. Cosmos. I just… want to help him." Firion sheathed his blade without a second thought. The Warrior of Light's word could be trusted.

"Help him how? What's wrong with him?"

"Hello! I'm right here!" Laguna shouted irritably. Firion promptly clamped a hand over the brunet's mouth.

"Shh… we're near a manikin spawning point. You can't be too loud." Laguna nodded, prying the hand off his mouth.

"Okay okay, I get it. What I don't get is why I'm here. One moment I was having a nice little conversation with Mr. Impulsive over here and out of nowhere he dragged me off to…"

Laguna looked around. A thin sheet of water covered the floor, and green and blue light poured in from every direction. White marble jutted up randomly at parts. A modest throne sat in the center.

"…where ever this is."

Firion shot Warrior a glance. Warrior stared back evenly.

"Light, why did you bring him?"

"I told you, I wanted to help him." Warrior's tone was monotonous.

"With what?"

"He doesn't want to use a sword."

"That's his choice. Don't force your way of life on other people, Light. We've talked about this." Warrior started going off on some rant about how the sword was the chosen weapon of the light and how everyone should be able to use it and anyone who didn't know how was a disgrace to Cosmos before Firion finally shushed him.

"Remember what I told…" Firion glanced at Laguna.

"Laguna. Loire. Laguna Loire." the brunet fumbled.

"Remember what I told Laguna, Light? We're. Near. A. Manikin. Base." Warrior nodded slowly, a hint of defiance in his eyes. He obviously didn't like being told what to do.

"Hey, you know what, if it'll get you guys to stop fighting I'll learn to use a sword." Laguna sighed, scratching his neck. Firion blinked.

"Are… you sure? The really aren't any take-backsies with Light…"

"Yeah, whatever. Can't be that difficult."

* * *

"Okay I was wrong." Laguna clumsily swung the sword up and down and back and forth, almost hacking off a portion of Firion's hair.

"Don't just swing it around! You need to have balanced strikes." Warrior took out his own sword and swung it deftly down. Straight, precise.

Laguna groaned softly.

"This is more work than it should be…" he mumbled. Warrior shot him a glance.

"Swordsmanship takes time. You aren't going to learn it in a day."

"Exactly! Man, why did I agree to this again?"

Firion frowned in sympathy.

"Hey, you don't have to _really_ learn swordsmanship, right, Light? He knows how to properly hold a sword, now, at least…" Firion said the last part uncertainly. Light whipped his head around, cape billowing out menacingly behind him.

"Properly? _That_ isn't 'properly'. He's holding it like a child!"

"But he isn't ever going to be using a sword on the battlefield, is he? So it doesn't matter!"

 _"What was that?"_ he growled. Firion felt sweat roll down his back.

"Uh-u-um… Well, it isn't really fair to make his do something like this, when he doesn't want to, r-right?" It was then that Firion realized he had been holding his hands up in surrender without even knowing it.

Warrior stared him down evenly.

Firion laughed nervously.

Laguna looked back and forth from one man to the other in confusion.

After another minute to silence, Laguna was grabbed by the latter and pulled off to the other side of Order's Sanctuary and away from the white-hot rage streaming out of Warrior's eyes.

"Stop." Warrior held out a hand in the universal gesture.

Firion continued.

"Stop." Warrior repeated.

"Come on Light! Can't you leave him alone? I'll spar with you, if you like. I'll be a much better partner!" Firion bribed, letting go of Laguna's collar to make hand gestures and letting the brunet fall to the water-covered ground with a thin splash. Laguna let out a little noise of protest and Firion looked over apologetically.

"No. The gunner must learn the importance of the sword." Warrior deadpanned, seemingly having teleported to the two warriors' side's while they were silently conversing.

"Wh-whoa. Hey, easy there. Let's just talk about this now-"

The Warrior had Laguna at swordpoint.

Laguna went crossed eyed staring at the blade at his throat and gulped audibly.

"Okay okay! I hail the sword as the mightiest of all weapons! Now can I go, please? I have to go bother- er- _talk to_ my son!" Warrior hesitated.

"Well, as long as you really understand it's magnificence…"

"Yes yes! The sword is the most incredible weapon to ever grace the worlds with its presence!"

"Alright," The Warrior sheathed his sword. "You can go."

"Yesss~!" Laguna shouted happily. "I'm home-free~!" Laguna ran through the reddish Gateway at the end of the Sanctuary shouting cheerily. Firion sent and unseen smile the brunet's way.

"Now, about that spar."


End file.
